Monday, August 29, 2011

Feminism

Every time someone speaks out against feminism, that person gets accused of being against women's rights.

I've read enough about feminism and watch its consequences daily to form my own opinions about it: it is not about equal rights, it is about bashing men and doing things in reverse as a lot of men used to mistreat women. So we are told to become the worst of men? How is that fighting for women's rights? How is making sure women are superior to men equality?

I've also read enough about feminism to know that it is not about the choice to stay home or work. The only moral choice for feminists is to work as they don't really seem to value children and homemaking: we have to climb up the corporate ladder in order to gain more power and wealth with a crazy schedule at the detriment of our families. Of course, women can do it! I would love to see a president or prime minister woman. We are smart and can basically do any job we put our minds to, that is not the question at all. And as much as I dislike working women passing comments, I also believe that many children of working mothers grow up to be just fine. There is room for everyone in this world!

Of course there are moderate feminists who are all about the right to choose, but their opinions seem to come with a "but": some say women should only stay home when children are young.

Of course women's rights are good! And thank God for them! But why take away homemakers' rights at the same time, chivalry, courtship, beautiful modest clothing, marriage while promoting either a sexy image or a masculine look and mocking men?

Not everyone on Earth is nice, I think we all know that by now. We need to treat each other with respect, and that include the private life choices people make. Some people will use feminism as an excuse to treat men poorly and some men will choose to be sexists and mistreat women. Others use religion to fight other people as well. Some leaders abuse of their power. In the end, we must build tolerance, morals, values and character in our children for they will be the next generation. All romantic relationships are different because we are unique individuals with unique personalities.

So that is why I am against feminism (and the new movement masculinism at that!). I just cannot promote a movement that thinks being a homemaker is going backward in time and that we are without worth.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

One size does not fit all

To continue with my previous post, I would like to take a look at the different possibilities stay at home mothers can teach their daughters about the option of being homemakers. I am saying the word "option" as I believe that one size does not fit all and that young ladies should pursue higher education if they want to, at hopefully an affordable college.

But if your daughter has always known she wanted to be a stay at home mother, what good does it serve her to push her into having a career and student loans while telling her she is worthless without a paycheck? Nothing! One does not need to go to college and work in order to advance intellectually. Daughters can learn how to play a musical instrument and perhaps teach it from the family home while waiting to get married and save money for her future, or use any other talent she may have and creating a business out of it. She could also be a homemaker in training and not hold a job. Parents may feel concerned about her future and wonder if the man she will marry will be good to her, understandably so, but fear about going against society's mindset does not give you a free pass to go against your daughter's personality.

If you have a career oriented daughter that may not see children in her future, you know what to do as it is the current push to send them to college. Let's just hope she won't have too much debt because she may very well change her mind about having children in the future, on top of wanting to stay home once she meets her first baby. Being stuck to pay student loans is discouraging to mothers who want to be stay at home moms.

There is a way to balance career and family: one cannot have it all at the same time. There are lucky ladies as myself who enjoy being a homebody and a wife to a wonderful husband in a respectful and loving relationship. Modern times give us plenty of rights that help us homemakers to live a better life, so we might as well enjoy them!

Children are like sponges: yes, they are born with their own personalities, but they are conditioned by their environment as well. I believe, like Dr Drew, a TV personality, that everything has its time and place, and we should look at how balanced our lives are. He also says that SAHMs should be praised and encouraged more in order to avoid the overwhelming depression they have been experiencing.

There is great value in a mother being at home. I personally do not wish for institutions to raise my future children. I may not be perfect (who is?), but I know that I will have their best interests at heart. I am not saying institution workers don't, but their main concern is to make money, after all. I also know that other women are different than me and that not one size fits all. That is the way feminism has been for decades and it is harming both women and men in their narrow minded mentality.

I hope that more women will discover the joy of being in a healthy relationship and raising children.

Friday, August 26, 2011

A new study finds that SAHMs are more depressed

http://www.cnn.com/video/standard.html#/video/living/2011/08/22/stay.at.home.moms.hln?iref=allsearch

Well no wonder! Society doesn't value homemakers. Society doesn't praise or encourage mothers: instead, SAHMs get nasty comments. That would make almost anyone with thin skin depressed!

I don't believe it is my duty to provide for my family. Ladies who want to stay home have got to find good, supportive husbands who don't pressure them.

The study says that moms socialize better at work and are also more mentally stimulated. How about hospitality at home with good friends? How about reading good books, poetry and listening to music? Or taking a class if you wish to continue your college education. There are many ways to be at home, socialize and use our brains.

What is happening is that women see cooking and cleaning as drudgery. Working is now sounding like a greener grass and since money has become the new God and society only puts a dollar value on everything, no wonder mothers are not doing so well emotionally!

Listen, women fought for the right to vote, work, choose not to get married and not to have children. So many modern options are making our lives and relationships easier. I happen to be blessed with a wonderful husband who is happy I am home, but doesn't force me either. If you, working women, are so happy and fulfilled with your lives, then why are you putting me down all of the time? If women fought for the right to choose, then why is working the ONLY acceptable option?

This will not sound politically correct, but I have to wonder why career obsessed parents don't simply spend time with their nephews and nieces instead of having children they don't want to spend time with. The superwoman myth is that: it is a myth! And if you think your children are happier at daycare, think again: daycare providers say they get called mommy all the time by confused children. They are underpaid and overworked. They don't have the nurturing abilities that only a mom has!

I say we all stand up proud for who we are and not make any excuses for the feminist women we encounter almost everywhere we go, that seem so offended by our choice to stay home. Modern life is not only stressful, but it is harmful to women. It is time we came back to some common sense and value ourselves.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Different personality types

One important reason why we ladies are not all made to stay home is a distinction in personality types. I myself am drawn to nature, music and the arts, and I love making a house a home. I dislike competition, arrogance and things that people do to others in order to get ahead. I prefer a quiet life and am a bit more of an introvert than an extrovert. Family and home have always come first for me no matter what as they are my glue, my foundation in life. Without them, one can live a pretty lonely life.

A-type personalities are very driven in their careers and feel restless being at home. They can of course learn how to become busy homemakers, although difficult in today's world as mothers have stopped teaching those skills. But they feel more validated being in the workforce and working long hours. Sometimes they marry men that are more keen on being stay at home dads than they ever would. What works for them could not work for me. I would not mind having a small home business that I could schedule around my homemaking schedule, but being gone all day would exhaust me and leave me no energy to focus on cooking and cleaning. I also have no idea what it is like yet to have children, but I am sure a newborn baby is more than enough work! It is an unpopular view, but if a career interested me so much, I would rather not have children as my husband could not be a SAHD and we both don't want our kids in daycare. It used to be like that: the career driven women, especially actresses and singers, would say that it would be impossible for them to do both and decided to remain childless.

That is not to say again that working moms can't raise kids, as there are different personality types and energy levels after all, but for me personally, I would prefer to cut expenses at home and maybe earn some part time money from home if we need to save more.

My husband asked me why society has changed so much the other way. I wonder as well. I am not seeing happier women as they juggle so much. We wonder if there will ever be a return to more old fashioned living. We already see people rebelling against baby boomers and starting blogs like mine, so who knows.

To conclude, happiness comes in many different forms. I like to hear about a working woman's success just as I like to hear about a happy homemaking and parenting life. What is the most important thing in life though is not material possessions, but love, family and friends. Relationships are a huge part of our lives and should be nurtured. People can replace us at our jobs but no one can replace us in our families.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The 1950's

I love the 50's! As much as I love living in the present, I think there are many things that they got right back then.

Sure, it was not heaven: I mean, as long as there are humans, there will always be wars and immoral people, unfortunately. But just like the Victorian era, the social demeanor and appearance were important and set the tone. What is wrong with that? I'd rather people look up to modestly dressed women who are morally good people than the women dressing like prostitutes nowadays for the sake of the sexual revolution. I am not a prude at all: in fact, where I live, nudity is considered a lot more accepted than violence on TV and movies, plus I find nothing wrong with a woman's body.

But the negative effects of a woman dressing like that are not to be desired: she may be rebellious, attract the wrong kind of man and become quite superficial. It sends a wrong message to her children. Saving your body for your spouse to see is more virteous than trying to have strangers' attention.

But back to the 50's: women gave up their WW2 jobs for men to take back after the war. It was a patriotic thing to do and couples were happy to have a quiet, family oriented life in a house after what they went through in the war. Let's face it: our grandparents had it much better financially than us on a much lower income!

I'd love a return to simplicity, frugal living and better incomes for men that want to be the sole providers for their families. I think we have created a different trap: a 2-income trap that makes it hard for women like me who find great satisfaction in being a housewife. I know some women have not had it easy in life and had unfortunately been with bad men, but when you make a generalization that all men will abuse women who don't work, it is not fair to the family oriented men that still exist out there.

So anyway, my hope is also for people to stop being so selfish and really think of their families first. Only a very small mimority of women end up having great glamorous jobs: lots of women are bored and would rather not work. We thought life would be better in a corporate job, but it is pretty competitive and cut throat, and can be quite monotonous. Then you have a second shift at home doing everything because most men will still not do their equal share of housework when their wives work. I just wish women who want to stay home with their kids could have more support as it is after all, the most important job there is!! And homemakers like me without kids help our spouses by making life less stressful at home.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Enjoying farmers' markets

If you have a farmer's market by you, I highly encourage you go check it out! Encouraging local food and flavors is a big way to save money as well as eating better. You can develop relationships with the farmers, and maybe even learn how to get a CSA vegetable box.

And even better: if you have the backyard space for it, you can grow your own fruits and veggies, and involve your kids in the process. Supermarket produce are transported from sometimes very far away, contributing to more pollution. They ofen times are picked unriped and are left to sit in aisles for weeks!

That is why I also highly recommend you shop at ethnic food stores where the produce is fresh and cheap because many of their customers cook a lot with them. Who knows, you could even discover a fruit or vegetable you have never encountered before!

Eating fresh produce is good for your health. There are lots of delicious ways of preparing vegetables such as roasting and grilling them! I hope you have some fun cooking!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Studying the past

I often wish I could find an older woman who could teach me so much about homemaking. Like learning a language or musical instrument, homemaking needs to be taught. We all have different ways of cooking and cleaning, as well as many books available, but there is nothing like a one on one teaching approach. The Bible says that a Titus 2 woman needs to teach younger women how to run a home.

So I want to study the past more in order to run my home better. Feminists had us believe that all housewives were incredibly miserable, but I don't think it is true. Being in a bad marriage, whether you are working or not, is what can make a woman feel lost. About 30% of women worked in the 1950's and not all of them were teachers, nurses and secretaries (I find these jobs important though!). Some owned their own hair salons, some were writers, and some were even scientists and doctors. Of course we have more career options now, but so do men.

I think many women are miserable in today's world. A surprisingly low percentage of women really want to work outside the home while their children are young. They come home tired from work, like their equally hard working husbands, and then have to run a never ending second shift of parenting and chores. I feel for those mothers who have no choice but to work and think of their children's well being all day long. On the other hand, I'll be honest and say that I don't understand when both parents are so career oriented that they both work 70+ hours a week and are never home. I just don't understand why they have kids in the first place...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

1950's housewife

I think it is not unreasonable to live like a 1950's housewife in our modern times. When you think about it, there were more and more household products being developped for the housewife back then, so modern tools such as a microwave, a crockpot, the Internet, cooking shows, modern medicine and alternative care, as well as many other improved tools fit right in this mindset. People liked new and shiny things and embraced capitalism. As long as the media is used in moderation, I don't see a problem with it.

I do feel that in the 1950's, women were trained better to be homemakers than today. We also had more of a social etiquette and formal clothing than now. So I know I personally need to be more of that housewife without losing myself. Women worked hard back then! I feel like we often make up excuses as to not do chores we don't feel like doing in order to spend too much time online or watching TV. So again, as long as there is a balance between the two, it is fine. I do feel though that today's society doesn't put much importance at all on family life and homemaking, which is a shame.

So that is where I am headed next: I want to buy a sewing machine and finally learn how to sew in order to make dresses I like. I am more than tired of trying to find decent clothing in the stores. So my goal is to make seven day dresses and seven evening dresses! For several health reasons, I cannot wear heels so I will need to wear decent looking but comfortable laced up shoes with my dresses, which will need to also be comfortable because of health issues. I also wish to make aprons, pillows and curtains eventually.

I am also a bit underwhelmed with today's furniture as I find it cheaply made with barely any real wood in them. However, I do like modern decor, as well as traditional and Victorian. I don't think I'd like living in a 50's style house much, but that is just my personal preference. Perhaps I should search deeper for styles I like from that era. You can definitely be a 1950's housewife living now in 2011 without doing and liking everything 1950's! I plan on reading old homemaking books and try to make a better home for us.

Friday, August 5, 2011

It's not as easy as it sounds

Homemaking takes a long time to learn! I learned a few things when I was young, but once married, I felt completely lost and had to learn on the spot.

Since homemaking is often viewed as "doing nothing" and not important, I thought there was something wrong with me. It takes lots of researching and practice! I am still learning.

So parents, I urge you to involve your kids in cleaning and cooking from a young age, as well as making it fun. If you punish them by telling them to clean their rooms, they will always dread it.

And really, kids should help out. Doing a little every day is better than rushing everything on one day.

For more advice, I highly recommend the Flylady system (see links). Homemaking may seem obvious to some, but others like me need to be taught.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Saving money tips

As homemakers, it is important to spend money well. We have more time to make things ourselves than working women, as well as shop and cook.

Buying food in bulk, cooking from scratch, waiting for sales and avoiding all processed foods is key to saving money. If you have a backyard, growing a garden can be a great thing and you could make preserves out of it. Learning how to make several things like laundry soap, ginger beer, beer and wine could be fun and a good experience.

Avoiding chemicals and making your own green cleaning products is cheap and good for the environment. Using less disposables is always recommended as well. Avoiding driving too much and walking or cycling instead saves money on gas, as well as doing all errands on one day.

Knitting and sewing also come into this category if you can find quality fabrics on sale. Avoiding malls and window shopping and instead, shop for only what you need is important.

Remember that in the past, people could afford a house on one income and did not have debt. Nowadays, the economy is inflated by all the credit card debt and bidding wars on houses that take two big incomes to afford. Yet people don't save nearly enough for their emergency funds as well as retirement. We homemakers have the skills to stretch a dollar and make a budget. It is not how much you make, but how much you spend that matters.